Moonlight and Raindrops
by Lily and Shadow
Summary: A look at Matt and Mello's relationship across the years, from Wammy's to the night of their deaths. MxM, character death, spoilers in later chapters. DISCONTINUED
1. Nightmare

**A/N:** Hola. So this just kinda came out of nowhere. I was just sitting at my computer and I was like "Huh. I should open a new word document." So I did, and started typing, and ended up with this. It now has a plot line, but no title. I'll try to fix that. I spent the past half hour writing this. It was completely unplaned. It's also a complete 180 from my other MxM piece, Ghost Love Score. Yeah, about that. Though MxM is my all-time favourite pairing. Anyway, I thought this was cute. I had intended them to be kids at first. When I started typing the whole nightmare bit, that's what came to mind. And then the story happened. I'm thinking they're about thirteen. They do still live at Wammy's. Anyway, I hope you like this cute little bit of spontenity!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note. I do, however, own a death note from a con...

* * *

Matt sighed and walked over to the bed across the room from his. He shared the room with Mello and this was the second time the blonde boy had woken him that week. Quietly the red head knelt next to the bed and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. He knew better than to actually sit on the bed. Usually Mello would strike at the first thing in range. 

"Mello, wake up," Matt said quietly, shaking the boy's shoulder. Still Mello continued to howl in fear, subconsciously fighting Matt's grasp. "Hey, Mel," Matt repeated a bit louder.

That did the trick. "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" the blonde screamed, sitting up fast and trying to grab the hand on his shoulder.

Matt, however, was used to this reaction and knew to get out of the way. It took a few seconds for the blonde to figure out where he was. His blue eyes, wide with fright, scanned the darkened room until they came to rest on Matt.

"Matt!" Mello yelped in terror, launching himself off the bed and into Matt's lap.

"Another nightmare?" Matt asked needlessly.

Mello nodded, then looked annoyed. "Don't you ever get them?"

"Of course," Matt said casually, wrapping his arms slowly around the thin blonde so as not to startle him. "I just don't scream in my sleep. I wish you'd tell me what you dream about."

"I do not scream in my sleep," Mello hissed. He had turned his head so that he could glare up at Matt and still press himself into the red head's chest. The result was rather comical.

"Of course not," Matt rolled his eyes. "That's why I woke up. But you still didn't answer my question."

"You didn't ask a question," Mello answered flatly.

Matt paused for a second to consider this. He supposed the paranoid blonde in his lap was right. It hadn't been a question so much as a request. He sighed. There could be no victory once Mello had decided to be stubborn. A quick glance at the clock on their shared nightstand provided him with his next suggestion.

"It's two thirty. Just forget about it and let's go back to sleep."

Mello nodded, but instead of getting up he locked his arms around the other boy's waist. Matt glanced down at him to see that his eyes were shut tight and he was shaking. Cautiously the gamer slipped one hand under Mello's chin and tilted his face up to get a better view of it.

"Sleep with me," Mello said quietly, only daring to open one eye so that a slit of blue showed between his eyelashes. "I don't want to be alone."

Matt smiled and placed a chaste kiss on Mello's lips. "Of course. No need to ask."


	2. Nothing Wrong

**A/N:** Hola! I'm back with more! Beware, I wrote this at three o'clock last night. So if it sounds like I was on drugs, that was just the lack of sleep. I was taking a friend's advice. I was whining to her about haven't been able to sleep very well lately, but if I could just not dream the I'd be able to sleep. So she said to try exahusting myself to the point where I couldn't stay awake anymore and then I wouldn't dream. She said it always worked for her. So I tried that and it does work, for the most part. But as a result this chapter, and what will probably actually be the fourth, sound like I 'm on something. This is more or less just showing the time passing. They're a little older now. (I changed the age in the last chapter to 13.) And the title of this chapter is a Jimmy Eat World Song! Cause i'm just cool like that. Not really...

Thank you to MattTheGamer for being my first reviewer!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine.

* * *

They were just friends. Matt and Mello both knew that no one could know about what went on between them. Anyone else would think it strange. But they knew it was nothing. They were close, perhaps too close. Each of them was the other's only true friend. That was the way it had been for as long as they could remember. What was so wrong about such things occurring between two people who were so close? So they were both guys. So what? In the end, did gender really matter? And besides, it wasn't like that. They weren't gay. They were just close. 

Still, it would seem odd to an outsider. The two spent nearly every waking moment together and they were almost always in some form of physical contact. Be it Mello lounging against Matt to read a book while the other played video games or Matt propping his feet up on Mello's lap to take a nap while the blonde watched TV, they were always touching. When they walked, they walked side by side always shoving each other with their shoulders, each trying to make the other lose his balance. Even at meals they sat so close that they elbowed each other constantly.

Both boys knew that no one could learn of the kisses they shared when nobody else was around. It was a means of comforting one another, of expressing joy, of showing each other how much they cared. It was nothing. Just a gesture of friendship. So maybe sometimes the kisses were a bit too passionate. That didn't mean anything. It was an expression of their close bond with each other. No one else would have understood that. They knew it didn't mean anything beyond friendship.

No one could ever find out about the nights they spent together. It always started out innocently enough. Usually it would begin with one of Mello's night terrors or Matt claiming he couldn't sleep. And, as when they were small, this would result in them sharing a bed. The other's presence was comforting. As was physical contact. A warm and calming embrace, a kiss from the comforter to the panicked, telling him it would be alright. It was merely comforting. And the way they would run their hands along each other's sides and backs. It was soothing, nothing more. Each of them knew exactly what place to touch to elicit the desired response from the other. They were close, and that was merely another sign of their closeness. The removal of shirts was always easily justified: Skin on skin contact, the feeling of another person. It was reassuring to be able to feel someone else so close. But of course from there things sometimes escalated into something more. Still, it was nothing. Theirs was a special kind of bond no outsider could understand.

There was nothing wrong about their bond. It was completely normal, completely platonic. It had started when they were very young. They had always spent their days together and at night if one of them had a nightmare the other would allow the boy to sleep in his bed with him. Each was, to the other, a source of strength in hardship, a source of comfort in sorrow, a source of reassurance in times of self-doubt. Each was the other's person with whom to share their happiest memories and darkest secrets. Each provided the other with someone to laugh with, to be sad with, to be bored with, to run to in pain or in fear. Of course they were close. Perhaps they were closer than most teenage boys were to their best friends. Then again for most teenage boys their best friend was not the only person they had in the world. So it stood to reason that they would be somewhat closer than was considered 'normal.'

It made sense. It was all reasonable. Wasn't it?

* * *

**A/N:** Say it with me now: De-ni-al! 


	3. Walk

**A/N:** Hola! Yep, I'm back. Second update today! I was really happy about getting another comment. Plus I've decided that I like writing fluff. This chapter took me about 20 minutes. It's kind of a random scene, but I think it illustrates just what type of relationship they have. I was looking through some MxM stuff on deviantart and thought of this. We finally get to see a bit of Mello as he's presented in the series! And I just absolutely adore Matt. They're probably about 15 here. And then there's chapter four. I actually wrote that one before two or three. And that was in with the "I wrote this at 3 am" stuff. Back to this chapter, though. I really don't have much else to say besides I'll never comment on Matt's games cause i know nothing about them. I barely know what a PSP is. I played one level of Mario Brothers once at a friend's house about 9 years ago. That's the entirety of my gaming experience. On with the chapter!

Thank you to KRISH-un for reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** Matt and Mello are not mine... even if I wish they were.

* * *

Matt?" Mello whined. The gamer was, as usual, completely absorbed in whatever game he was playing on his new PSP.

"Hmm?" the boy's eyes never left the screen.

"What's with you and those stupid games of yours?" The black-clad blonde moved from his position against the wall to kneel behind Matt, one knee on either side of him. "Why don't we go do something?" he suggested as he wrapped his arms around his friend's waist.

No response.

"Come on Matt. It's a perfect day. Have you even looked outside?" the blonde nagged, knowing his question would probably be answered in the negative if at all.

Still no response.

Mello frowned and blew in Matt's ear. He knew that red head hated that.

Matt shuddered, but still didn't answer.

"Matt, are you even paying attention?" Mello was ever so slightly irked my Matt's total denial of his existence.

No response.

That was it. Mello was tired of being ignored. With a sadistic grin he bit down on the side of Matt's neck.

"Ngh! I'm listening," Matt yelped, his whole body tensing.

Mello let go, pleased with the response. "So that's what you want, is it?"

Before Matt could answer the game was knocked from his hands and he was on his back with Mello leaning over him. "What the hell was that for?" he grumbled.

Mello looked down at him, a wolfish grin spreading over his face. He shifted his position once again so that he was on top of the disgruntled gamer, straddling him. "You know exactly what that was for."

"Not now, Mello," Matt said wearily.

"Why not? I thought that's what you wanted," the blonde said. His voice had dropped so low that Matt could barely hear him.

"No."

"But you-"

"Mello, do you have any idea how hard it is to ignore someone who's biting your neck?" Matt sighed. "Yeah, you got a response out of me. That would get a response out of anyone. Not that I would suggest trying that on anyone else."

Mello looked slightly miffed. Still, he rolled off of Matt to lay beside him on the floor. "Let's go for a walk."

"Well, now that you've ruined my game there's nothing else to do. Sure. Why not," Matt said. "Where?"

"Anywhere," Mello said, turning to look at the goggled boy. "Don't you ever miss being outside?"

Matt shrugged. "Not really."

"Come on," Mello said, standing up and offering a hand to Matt. At least he was managing to get his gamer out into the sunlight for awhile.


	4. Free Fall

**A/N:** Hola! Three updates in a day. That must be some kind of record. So I'm making up for all the really short chapters so far. And sorry to disappoint, but all that came of last chapter's walk was some nice fresh air. Matt and Mello have a rather odd relationship. I think the events of that chapter demonstrate that quite nicely. I wrote this chapter at about 3am, so if it's a little odd that's why. And the next chapter will have a bit of coninutity. I think this is my favorite chapter so far. It's angsty, but it also made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I like Mello's commentary on the rain. Poor Mello. Poor Matt. You know, it feels like there should be song lyrics to go with this, but I don't know any. Anyway, on with the chapter.

Thank you to book case for commenting!

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine.

* * *

Matt was sitting on his bed playing a game on his PSP. It was the same thing he did every time it rained. It was the same thing he did when it wasn't raining. He paused the game for a second to stare out the window. Something wasn't right. He had no reason to think that, but he had this nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that something horrible was going to happen. Slowly he set the game down and went to wander the halls.

It was raining. Mello hated the rain, but he loved it too. It was like the sky was crying. That was why he hated it. But that was what made it beautiful. Mello had not cried since he was very small. He didn't think he could cry anymore. It hurt, the inability to cry. There was so much pain he wanted to let go of, but no tears would fall.

It was so pure, the feeling of the cool rain on his skin. So clean. The wind blew the tiny droplets into his face and lifted his hair from his shoulders. And for a second, it felt like there was nothing else but him and the rain. As he stood at the edge of the roof looking down he watched the raindrops forming puddles on the ground. It looked so far away from up here. Then again, that was good, wasn't it? At least for what he had in mind.

He told himself again it didn't matter. After all, no one would care. Matt might be sad for a little while, but he'd be alright. Matt was a lot stronger than he was. Who would miss him besides the red head? No one. Mello, by nature, was not a social creature. He did not have friends. Matt would mourn, Rodger, perhaps Watari, maybe even L, but no one else.

Mello closed his eyes against the stabbing pain in his chest. With all his mind he focused on the feeling of the raindrops on his face. Cleansing, healing. But it could rain forever and Mello would never be completely healed. He held his breath as he moved a little closer to the edge. What was he stalling for? No one was coming. Nobody cared. Even Matt had been too wrapped up in his game to notice the blank way Mello had stared at the walls all morning. Dead. He had stared at the blank expanse of white with dead eyes. He felt dead. Soon.

One trembling hand made its way up to clutch his rosary. Courage. It wouldn't be so bad. Why was he so scared? The rain was calming, and yet Mello could still feel his whole body shaking. Fear. Why? Even if it hurt, it wouldn't last long. And after the brief physical pain he wouldn't suffer anymore. He wouldn't hurt anymore. So why was he afraid? Why was he hesitating?

Matt pushed open the door to the roof and froze. His green eyes widened to an impossible extent at the scene before him. Mello stood at the edge of the roof, eyes tight shut, holding his rosary, a look of pain clouding the tiny bit of his face not hidden by his hair. Matt's first reaction was to stay still and watch. That turned out to be the wrong thing to do. Hesitantly Mello moved a little closer to the edge, a gust of wind picking his hair up off of his shoulders. Now that the obstruction had been removed Matt could see Mello's teeth bared, his jaw locked in an expression of pain and determination. Oh God. He was going to jump!

Matt leapt forward, hoping against possibility that he would reach Mello before the blonde could take that final, fatal step. He resisted the urge to cry out, for fear that that would cause the boy to jump immediately. Silently he prayed to every god he never believed existed that he would reach Mello in time.

Finally Mello worked up the nerve to finish what he had started. Just that last tiny push and it would be done. He braced himself to move, inhaling deeply to fight down his rising panic. And in the instant he let go, he felt something stop him. Only this something wasn't in his mind, it was attached to his waist. Several emotions flooded him in quick succession. First came shock, then fear, then despair. He willed the obstruction to let him go. Just let him be so that he could be done with the pain.

Matt couldn't believe he had managed to catch Mello. He had felt him push off a split second after he threw his arms around his waist. If he had taken just a fraction of a second longer, Mello would be gone. Matt could feel the adrenaline coursing through his body. His heart was racing and he was severely shaken. What had just happened?

Mello felt himself pulled backward into a strong embrace. He couldn't take the emotions anymore. He felt his legs give out, but he didn't care. Whoever was behind him caught him a second time and lowered both of them carefully to the wet ground. Mello didn't even have the energy left in him to turn around, but it didn't matter. The person behind him seemed determined to see his face. When he was turned around he found himself staring up at Matt.

Blue eyes widened and then closed again as he felt another stab of pain in his chest. Of all the people to see that, why Matt? Why him? Why not someone like Near who wouldn't care? This couldn't be happening. With only a slight whimper, Mello buried his face in Matt's chest.

The red head hesitated, unsure of what to do. Slowly he pulled Mello a little closer so that he was sitting between his legs. The way the blonde had curled up made it a little easier to move him. He folded his knees so that he was sitting cross-legged, his limbs forming a protective barrier between Mello and the rest of the world. The gloved hand that was still around the boy's waist tightened its grip while the other found its way to the back of the blonde's head. Matt rested his cheek against Mello's damp hair, wishing he knew what to say. Mello was shaking violently. He was soaked all the way through his clothes, Matt was sure. Silent sobs wracked the boy's slight frame. And still neither of them said a word.

Matt couldn't think. The shock and the adrenaline were clouding his focus. He lifted his head a little to kiss the top of Mello's. The blonde responded by twisting his hands in the fabric of Matt's shirt and clinging there as though he would never let go. And right now, Matt didn't want him to. The taller boy knew he should get Mello inside, get him changed into some dry clothes, probably get him to sleep, but he didn't want to move. He didn't want to let go of him even for a second. He placed another soft kiss on the boy's forehead and felt him sob harder. He should really get him out of the rain so he wouldn't catch cold.

Gently Matt slipped one arm under Mello's bent knees and lifted him from the ground. The smaller boy had always been a bit lighter than he should have been, so Matt didn't have any trouble carrying him to their room. The whole way there Mello kept his face hidden against Matt's chest.

"Mello," Matt whispered once he had reached their room and gotten them inside. "I need to put you down for a second, okay?"

Mello responded by clinging harder to Matt as another high pitched whine escaped his throat.

The red head sighed. "I need to get you into some dry clothes. You'll get sick if you stay in these. We're sitting on my bed. I'm just going to go over to the dresser, get dry clothes, and come right back, okay?"

This time Mello nodded, releasing the death grip he had been holding on the red head's shirt. As soon as the blonde let go the gamer went and retrieved two t-shirts and two pairs of sweatpants, one set for Mello and one set for himself. It took him nine point two six seconds to change. Mello, however, promised to be more of a challenge. And indeed, the second Matt touched him the blonde clung to him again.

"Mello, come on," he said, masking his frustration. He knew the blonde. This was not going to be easy. "Help me out a little."

Matt was grateful that Mello at least decided to cooperate. Carefully he pulled the wet shirt over the boys head and replaced it with a dry one and then proceeded to do the same with his pants. Through the whole thing Mello did not open his eyes. Matt took careful note of the fact that Mello's eyes had been closed since he first shut them after seeing it was Matt who had saved him.

Once Mello was changed Matt picked him up again. He received a small squeak of protest from the frightened boy in response. "Relax. I'm just going over to your bed. Mine's wet from us sitting on it."

The gamer couldn't believe how jumpy his normally confident friend seemed at the moment. Then again he had a hard time believing what had just happened. As gently as he could he laid them down, making sure Mello was next to the wall, and pulled the covers up over them. He drew the trembling boy as close to him as possible and was surprised to hear him whisper, "I'm sorry, Matt."

"For what?" the red head inquired.

"You shouldn't have seen that," Mello said softly. There was a note of sadness in his voice. He sounded tired.

Matt hugged him even tighter. "If I hadn't seen that, you'd be dead right now."

"I know. That was my intent." Finally the blonde's eyes opened. So much pain was written in the blue voids.

"Mello," Matt breathed, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. He held the boy even tighter so that his lithe form was pressed flush against his own. "Don't say things like that."

"But it's true," Mello protested weakly.

"Dear fucking God Mello. Are you stupid?" Matt choked. Several tears had managed to make their way down his cheeks into Mello's already soaked hair. "Do you have any idea what that would do to me? To lose you like that? It would destroy me. You know that?"

At this confession Mello fell silent. He didn't know what to think. What was his friend saying?

"Mello," Matt whispered, drawing in a long, shuddering breath. "I love you."

There. The taboo had been broken, and frankly Matt didn't care. It was the truth. He allowed himself a moment to process the look on Mello's face, but before he could do anything he felt warm lips against his own. The small arms around his waist tightened as the blonde boy ran his tongue along the red head's lower lip, requesting entrance. Of course Matt complied. He also took note of the face that this kiss was different somehow. They had shown each other this type of affection countless times before, but there had always been some hint of need or even want in it. Now there was neither. There was nothing demanding, nothing pleading. He felt no need to do anything beyond just this. When Mello finally broke for air he looked deep into Matt's eyes, as though searching his soul.

"You really mean that, don't you?" Mello said after a time.

Matt was silent for a moment, not sure whether to be insulted or indignant. Finally he decided on patient. "Of course I do," he whispered, rubbing small circles on Mello's back with one miraculously ungloved hand. "I have for a long time now. I just never said it, though I see now that I should have. I love you, Mello."

Mello closed his eyes and inhaled. When the blue eyes opened again, they focused directly on the green set opposite them. His voice was even, if not a bit quiet. "I love you, too, Matt."

Matt's unoccupied hand found its way once more to the back of Mello's head, applying a slight amount of force to press the blonde's forehead against his chest. And for the next hour they just lay like that, silent, each content to listen to the other's breathing and feel the other's heart-beat until finally they both fell asleep.


	5. 3AM

**A/N:** Hola. The next chapter will be more important to the plot. This is more a look through Matt's eyes. Of course Matt being the quieter and seemingly more open of the two I find him facinating. He's so confused and distraught right now. Anyway, this probably would have been up earlier, but I was at a dance from 8 to 11 and then some of my friends wanted to see a dance I coreagraphed (sp?), and then we sat down in the lounge until 1:15. But the dance was awesome, so it's all good.

Thank you to tsukiraven, Xemnas the Superior, and leonsgirl47625 for reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** DN. Not mine.

* * *

Matt woke long before Mello. The room was pitch black and the only sound was the blonde boy's faint breathing. A glance at the clock told him it was a little after three in the morning. He had only slept lightly, waking several times. Mello, on the other hand, was sleeping like the dead. Matt shuddered at that thought.

They had gone to sleep at four the previous afternoon. Matt felt his stomach tighten as he remembered the previous day. He was dreading the discussion when Mello woke, but he knew it was necessary. The boy needed help. As much as he would fight it, he needed someone. And Matt was more than willing to be that someone. It would just be a matter of getting Mello to talk. That would be the hard part.

He brushed a hand over Mello's cheek. He looked so peaceful in sleep. What happened? The boy was beautiful, intelligent, successful, strong, magnificent. What went wrong? What had made him lose his will to live? What had driven him to want to die?

"Mello, why does this have to be so hard? Why does it have to hurt so much? I almost see your point. It's so hard sometimes, just to keep going. But I have you. You keep me here. So why is this so hard?" Matt sighed and fell silent. He just listened to the sounds of the room. He could hear the faint wind outside, the sounds of his and Mello's breathing, and, if he listened very hard, the sound of his own heartbeat. He couldn't hear Mello's, but he could feel it slow and steady against his chest.

Absently he ran a hand through Mello's long, blonde hair. This felt so right, the two of them. He knew, logically, why. They were all they had. But still. Why did it feel so good just to hold him? Just to know he was near. He supposed part of it had to do with the previous day's events. He was grateful to still have Mello there, to be able to hold him, to be able to feel him warm and breathing next to him. Life was a funny thing. It was so precious and so very fragile. And yet, it took things like what had happened with Mello to show just how much it really meant.

With another soft sigh the gamer closed his eyes. It would probably be a couple of hours before Mello woke. He should rest. He was really dreading the impending discussion.


	6. Don't Let Go

**A/N:** Hola. Back with chapter 6. Six chapters in two days... Anyway, just to clarify Matt and Mello are 15 and have been for the past two chapters. I really don't think this chapter takes much explaining. This chapter and the last two take place over a two day period. And for Matt being able to hear his oen heartbeat (that was bugging me when I reread it) have you ever noticed how sometimes you can hear the blood in that vein beside your ear? That's what he was hearing. And Matt's apparently very observant. Anyway, on with the chapter.

Oh! And those song lyrics I mentioned in chapter one? I found them. Paramore - We Are Broken.

Thank you to Sirius Lee Brilliant and silentwatcherXXX for reviewing!

**Warning:** Nothing beyond Mello and his foul mouth, but still it's a bit extreem for me. (I love how I don't care if my writing is horrendously suggestive, but I won't swear excessively and not put a warning up.)

**Disclaimer: **Death Note is NOT MINE.

* * *

Mello awoke to sunlight and Matt watching him. Immediately there was a flash of pain as he remembered what had happened. Matt had stopped him from throwing himself off the roof. He cringed and shut his eyes, hoping the red head wouldn't notice he was awake. 

No such luck. Matt had felt his heartbeat and his breathing change even if he hadn't seen his eyes open. "Mello," Matt whispered gently.

Mello didn't answer, just pressed his face into Matt's chest again.

"Come on Mel," Matt said softly, stroking the blonde's hair. "At least look at me."

Slowly Mello looked up at the red head. The expression Matt wore was one of concern and almost fear. He didn't like that look. Not when it was directed at him.

"It's good to see you're awake," Matt smiled softly. He really meant that it was good that Mello was alive, and Mello knew that.

"I'm sorry," Mello whispered as Matt sat up. The blonde didn't feel like moving at all, so he just rested his head on the gamer's knee.

"For what?" Matt asked, running a scarred hand through Mello's blonde hair.

"For yesterday," came the almost inaudible reply.

Matt ignored the boy's unwillingness to move, pulling him upright and into a tight embrace. "God, Mello. You scared me so bad. When I saw you at the edge of the roof with that look on your face I was sure I was going to lose you. What the hell would make you want to do something like that?"

"You wouldn't understand," Mello whispered, not meeting Matt's eyes.

"Don't give me that," Matt said. "The least you can do is let me try."

Mello sighed. He couldn't face the red head. Instead he stared down at his hands. "You can't. There's no point. You haven't lived it, so you wouldn't know."

"And who says I haven't?" Matt said stubbornly. "You don't know that for sure. You won't know until you tell me what happened."

"The way you act says you haven't," Mello spat viciously. In three seconds his entire disposition had changed. He shook off Matt's embrace and tried to get past him to flee the room. Matt hadn't expected that, but it didn't really surprise him either. The blonde actually made it past the gamer, but he had gone no more than two steps when a hand grabbed his wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?" Matt demanded in a stern tone that didn't quite match Mello's bloodthirsty growl.

"Away," he snapped, tugging at his wrist. "What the hell does it matter to you?"

"Quite a bit," Matt spat in return. "Or did you forget that it was me who pulled you off the roof yesterday?"

That struck a nerve. Mello swung around and threw a punch straight at Matt's face. Matt blocked it and tried to use his grip on Mello's arm to make him fall. It worked, but no sooner had the blonde fallen than he kicked the red head's feet out from under him. Mello was on him in a second, throwing several punches that actually managed to connect. Unfortunately for the smaller boy he had forgotten about trapping Matt's feet, something that didn't go unnoticed by the taller of the two. Mello had the wind knocked out of him as Matt's feet connected with his chest. The blonde fell back, pulling the gamer with him. Matt took full advantage of this, sitting on the smaller boy and pinning his hands on either side of his head.

"Ok," Matt growled, now thoroughly annoyed. "Here are your options. One, you can tell me and I'll get off you. Or two, you can continue to be a stubborn bastard and I can force you to tell me."

"And exactly how do you plan to do that?" Mello sneered.

"I'm not letting you go until you tell me," Matt said with a sickly sadistic grin. He knew that threatening Mello with physical pain like he normally would wouldn't do a thing. Threatening to detain him for an indeterminate length of time however...

"Fuck you, you fucking bastard," Mello snarled.

Matt just laughed. That was exactly the response he had been waiting for. That response meant he had won. "So?"

"No," Mello hissed. Matt sighed. This was not going to be easy.

"Mel, look, I know you don't like it. I've got that." He resisted the urge to comment on the fact that the other thing he got was a black eye. "But honestly, if it's bothering you so much that you tried to throw yourself off a freaking building... I think there's something to be concerned about."

"Get off me," Mello demanded.

"Not until you explain what happened yesterday," Matt said, pressing harder against Mello's wrists to emphasize his point.

Mello just glared.

"I'm not kidding," Matt said. "I'll sit here all day if you make me. Hell, I'll sit here all week. I'm not letting you go until you answer me."

"It was my fault," Mello said in a harsh whisper.

"What was your fault?" Matt asked, surprised to have gotten an answer so soon. Then again, Mello knew him well enough to know that his threat had been legitimit.

"What happened. It was my fault," Mello growled, his voice so low that Matt could hardly hear it despite being barely a foot from his face.

"Yesterday?" Matt asked.

"No, you moron. What got me sent to this hell-hole in the first place," Mello spat, blue eyes burning with rage.

"And what would that be?" Matt asked, sure he wouldn't get an answer.

"Like hell I'm gonna tell you," Mello shouted at him. "I gave you your answer, now get off me."

"Not until you promise not to run," Matt said.

"I'll promise, but I think I'd be insulting you if I expected you to believe me," Mello said, knowing his answer really didn't matter.

"And you'd be right," Matt said. "I'll let you up, but I'm not letting go."

"Good," Mello whispered, the rage draining from his expression as he was allowed to sit up. "I don't want you to."

And for the first time in nearly ten years, Mello felt himself begin to cry.


	7. Hope

**A/N:** Hola. This is me avoiding a paper. My dorm building's all decorated for Halloween! I'm excited. Yeah, more Mello drama. (Yay, play on words.) Anyway, this is the last chapter set in this 48 hour period. I promise I will move on nex chapter. This story's mostly fluff, which I'm not so good at writing.

Thank you to KaraRapist113 and book case for reviewing.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

* * *

Matt froze. He had no idea what to do. In the eight years he had known Mello, he had never once seen the boy shed a single tear. Now he was crying as though he would never stop, which actually seemed quite likely to the blonde at the moment.

"Mel?" Matt whispered. The boy turned away from him, as though embarrassed of his tears. "Mel, it's ok."

He tried to pull the sobbing blonde back to him, but Mello shoved him away violently. "No, Matt. It's not fucking ok!" he shouted.

But Matt would not be so easily dismissed. He grabbed his friend and held him close, even as he struggled. "Yes, Mel, it's ok, because I'm here now and I swear I won't let anything happen to you. Ever."

Mello was silent. What was he supposed to say to that?

"I'll keep you safe. If anyone wanted to do anything to you, they would have to kill me first. Mel, I'm _never_ going to let _anything_ happen to you _ever again_. That's why it's ok. You're alright now and you have me to protect you," Matt said, the last bit whispered as he rested his chin on Mello's shoulder.

Normally Mello would have told Matt that he was far from alright and that under normal circumstances he could kick his ass, but right now all he wanted was to believe what Matt told him. He wanted with all his heart to believe that Matt would always be there to protect him, that the red head could somehow just magically make everything ok. But he knew it wasn't going to happen. For now, however, he'd gladly take everything Matt said as truth. Reality could wait. Right now hope meant more than truth.

Hope. That was something Mello was lacking at the moment. And it was something he desperately needed. Right now he felt worse than he ever had. He couldn't go back, he couldn't move on, and even his attempt to end it had failed. Right now all he had was Matt and the slight glimmer of hope he offered.

"You really mean that, don't you?" he asked softly.

"Of course I do," Matt answered, holding him a little tighter.

Mello relaxed a bit. So maybe Matt couldn't really protect him. So what? He was willing to try. That was what mattered. Somebody cared. More importantly, Matt cared. And that made all the difference in the world.


	8. Secret

**A/N:** Hola. Wow, I'm going to be done with this in no time. I'm going to a concert tonight! does happy dance Anyway I like this chapter. I find it hilarious. Oh, by the way, they're now 15 and 16. (Matt's just slightly older.)

Thank you to Xemnas the Superior, KaraRapist113, and Lady Shalafay. And I swear, you guys are amazing at posting comments _as_ I'm posting the next chapter. That's happened two chapters in a row now. I find it humourous...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note.

* * *

"Mello!" Matt called from his place at the counter. The blonde was nowhere to be seen. Matt, however, knew exactly where he was.

A blonde head popped up from behind the counter to glare at him. "What?" Mello asked around the chocolate bar in his mouth.

"If you keep eating all that crap you'll get fat," Matt said, not bothering to look up from his game.

"And if you keep rotting your brain with those stupid games you'll end up like Near," Mello replied.

Matt shook his head. That was so like Mello. "You know, Near's actually pretty smart. Besides, if you keep eating all that chocolate you'll lose your girlish figure."

There was a sudden crash that actually shook the high windows. Before Matt could blink his chair had been overturned and he was sprawled on the floor with a seething blonde looming over him. The whole thing happened so fast that Matt was debating whether Mello had come around the counter or just launched himself over it.

"I do NOT look like a girl!" the irate blonde growled.

"And I'm not stupid," Matt shrugged.

"I DO NOT look like a girl," Mello repeated, blue eyes burning with anger.

"Yeah you do," Matt said, a sly smirk working its way across his features. "But hey, you make a pretty hot girl." He was careful to kick the blonde's feet out from under him before Mello could pounce on him. Now that Mello was safely lying on the floor next to him, he felt free to comment on the situation. "So what's with the chocolate binge, anyway?"

Mello shrugged. Matt shrugged back. Mentally he chalked it up to a coping mechanism. That was supposed to be pretty common in people with depression. At least, Matt assumed Mello had depression. After all, he had tried to kill himself. Normal people didn't attempt suicide. Then again, who was he to judge normal?

"Aren't you going to bug me to go do something?" Matt asked.

"No."

"Come on. When are you going to stop being a zombie clone and start being my Mello again?" Matt pestered. He was all for helping his friend, but this was getting annoying.

"First off I was never _your_ Mello to begin with," Mello said shortly. "If anyone belongs to anyone, _you_ belong to _me_." Matt just laughed, earning him a stern glare. "Second, why does it matter?"

"Cause I miss the old you," Matt said. He had managed to wriggle his way over so that his head rested on Mello's shoulder.

"This is me," Mello shrugged again. "Get used to it."

Suddenly there was a loud cough from above them. Both boys shot up and whirled around to see none other than Near.

"Am I interrupting something?" the sheep-like boy asked in monotone.

"No," the two said in unison.

"It looked as though perhaps I was," Near said, twirling his snowy white hair.

"Well you were wrong," Mello hissed. "We were just talking. Now get lost."

Near sighed. "If you wish. I won't tell anyone what I saw, either."

"Thanks," Matt said earnestly, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. No matter how much they denied it, Near had figured them out months ago.

The strangely pale boy simply nodded and began to walk away. Once he was out of the room Mello muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "fraternizing with the enemy" before pulling Matt to his feet.

"You know," Matt said matter-a-factly as he was led back to the room he shared with Mello, "Near's really not that bad if you'd just give him a chance. I really don't see why you hate him so much."

"The fuzzy little bastard's trying to steal my place as L's heir," Mello growled, his use of imagery earning him a loud "Ha!" from Matt. The red head couldn't help picturing a blood-thirsty lamb on a rampage. Mello noticed the laugher oh so cleverly disguised as a cough and was not happy. "Why's that funny?"

"It's not, really. But have you ever stopped to think about the reasons you hate Near?" Matt said, chasing the laughter from his voice. "I mean, he's kept our secret. You know that if Roger ever found out about us he would separate us in a heartbeat."

Mello was silent. As much as he hated to admit it, Matt was right. At least about the secret. Near was still weird. And he was still a bastard for stealing what was rightfully Mello's.

"Shut up, Matt," Mello said softly. Matt would have argued, but he could hear defeat in Mello's voice. So he simply stayed silent and allowed himself to be pulled down so that he was sitting next to the blonde. Mello just wrapped an arm around his waist and ignored him to stare out the window. He couldn't see the sun through the storm clouds. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it.

* * *

**A/N:** Yay! Near's in the story. I don't mind him at much as I used to. Actually, Matt used to be the only one of the three I didn't hate (and he's still my favourite), but Mello and Near have grown on me. Anyway, I bet quite a few of you know what Mello knows and are sitting there going "oh no!" Yay for alliteration. It makes me smile. Until next time! Jya ne. 


	9. Gone

**A/N:** Hola. Short chapter. But it is a very important chapter, even if it's short. And happy birthday to my imouto!

Thank you to KaraRapist113 and LadyShalafay for reviewing. I'm not sure why I hated Near at first, either. He's definatly grown on me. He's like a little fuzzy lamb.

**Warning:** Spoilers!

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is NOT mine.

* * *

It was raining when Roger called Mello and Near into his office. The storm raged outside the windows, filling the silence as the older man cast a critical glance over the two boys seated in front of him. These two were the future of the law enforcement world. They had trained all their lives for this moment, but he knew it the news would be devastating to them. With a sigh he folded his hands on his desk and began to speak.

"Near, Mello, I have grave news for you," he began. "As you both know, you have been trained as detectives to follow in the footsteps of –"

"Just tell us what happened," Mello said impatiently.

Roger bowed his head slightly. "L is dead."

Near dropped the puzzle he was working on, but the sound of the pieces hitting the floor was drowned out by the crash as Mello's chair turned over. "WHAT?!" the blonde demanded, hands firmly planted on the edge of Roger's desk so that he could glare down at the older man.

"You two have been called on to take his place and solve the Kira case," Roger continued, not at all phased by the blonde's reaction.

"Wait. Both of us?" Mello asked.

The grey haired man nodded.

"That is fine with me," Near said, not looking up from the puzzle he had begun reassembling.

"You expect me to work with him?" Mello demanded. When he received a nod he continued to rage at the unimpressed man. "I don't need you," he seethed. "Neither of you. Let Near be L's heir. I'll solve the case on my own and avenge L's death."

And with that he stormed out of the room leaving Roger and Near staring after him.

* * *

Matt knew something was wrong the instant he looked out the window. A small black-clad figure with blonde hair and a knapsack was passing the gates. Matt tried to tell himself that it wasn't Mello. Mello would never just run off on him like that. Would he? Yes, he would. Matt sighed and moved swiftly to the door of the library. He would check their room and if he wasn't there he would go after the figure in the drive. He had only gotten halfway to the staircase that would take him to the dormitory floor, however, when he ran into Near. 

"Mello is gone," the small boy said, looking up at Matt.

Matt blinked at him. "What?"

The pale boy sighed and made his statement more clear. "L is dead. Mello is gone. Go get Mello before Mello is dead too."

"Shit." Matt knew now why Mello had left. His mind flashed back to an incident barely six months earlier.

"Go," Near ordered.

Matt paused. He figured he could stop for five seconds and ask a question. Mello had had a knapsack, meaning he didn't intend to die for a while, if at all. "Why are you telling me? I thought you hated Mello."

"I do not like Mello, this is true," Near said, twirling his hair. "But Matt likes Mello. And Matt is kind to me. Besides, the simple fact that I dislike Mello does not mean I want him to die."

Matt nodded his understanding. "Thanks," he whispered, and was gone.

Near stared after Matt as he retreated into the storm. He knew it was quite likely that he would never see either of them again. It was a shame, really. Matt had been Near's only friend, even if they hadn't been all that close. And the rivalry with Mello had, at the very least, kept him on his toes.


	10. Into the Storm

**A/N:** Hola. Back with more story. There's a little about where Mello's from in this chapter. Not his family, just his hometown. And Near's still in the story, but this is his last appearance for a while.

Thank you to Xemnas the Superior, MattTheGamer, Miyamashi, Crazy Little Feline, samiseriouslyam, Billie the fourth sage, and Xx-riko-xX for reviewing. And MattTheGamer and samiseriouslyam, a big thank you to you guys. You have no idea how much it made me smile to check reviews and see that you had left reviews for all or nearly all of the chapters so far. That made me feel so special!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note.

* * *

Matt bowed his head against the biting wind. He pulled his tinted goggles down over his eyes and tried to ignore the cold that was gnawing at his bones. Mello was out here somewhere, his Mello, and it was absolutely imperative that he find him. There was no telling what the volatile blonde might do. 

There was no sign of the boy anywhere. The pounding rain had erased his footprints and it was nearly impossible to hear or see in the storm. But he knew Mello. He knew where he would go. Or at least, he thought he knew.

* * *

Near sat in the library perched on the window sill that looked out over the gates. Matt was already out of sight. He hoped that he would be able to find Mello before the blonde did something stupid. More than that he hoped that they would both return, but he knew it was too much to ask. He expected that Roger would be coming to find him any moment now. He would need to be caught up on the Kira investigation as soon as possible. For now though he stared out the window, hoping for the safe return of his friend and his rival and mourning the loss of their hero.

* * *

Mello was freezing. He was so cold he could barely stay awake. Viciously he growled to himself about how weak he had become. It was just an English winter, and a mild one at that. He was Russian. He could withstand weather far worse than this. He had grown up in a little town just outside of Igarka, in the Arctic Circle. But eight years in southern England had destroyed his cold tolerance. 

In an odd way Mello almost missed the snowy landscape of his childhood, the terrain just as cold and frozen as he was. Perhaps that was where he would go. Back to Russia. Not to his town, no. Farther north. No one went to northern Russia. It was too cold there. But this was Mello. He had grown up in an Arctic environment, and he would be able to go back to one. Besides, he already spoke the language flawlessly. That put him at an advantage already. He would go back to Russia, then. As far north as possible, to where only a fool, a merchant, a scientist, or a Russian would go. To Pevek.

* * *

**A/N:** A quick note on Mello's towns. Igarka, I really don't know much about, but it's pretty far north. Pevek is the northernmost point on the Eurasian continant. It's a port town with a population of 5,206 in 2002 and dropping. It's located at 69degrees 42'N, 170degrees 17'E. I looked up forcast for tomorrow and the _high_ is -10C (that's 13F). And they're only supposed to see 9 hours and 34 minutes of light today. (7 hours 16 minutes of actual day.) In my oppion you'd have to be out of your mind to want to go there. 


	11. The Search Begins

**A/N:** Hola! So I'm a little out of it right now, so I'm not gonna talk much. Just to warn you, the next few chapterrs may be rather slow, but you will see more about each of the two. This one and the next one are mostly Matt, and that's as much as I have written so far until they meet up. Anyway, on with the chapter.

Thank you to MattTheGamer and Crazy Little Feline for reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** Do I own it _now_? No!

* * *

Of course the first place Matt went was to the park they had been taken to on occasion as children. They had always talked about their families when they went to the park. Mello hated being at the orphanage. He hated knowing that he was more or less alone. He had Matt, but no one else. That thought stung. Matt had the sudden feeling like someone shoving a knife in his back and twisting it, but this hurt worse. And he would know. Only Mello had seen that particular scar.

The raging wind and numbing cold were nothing to the pain that flooded Matt at that moment. It wasn't enough. He wasn't enough. Mello didn't feel that he was enough. Mello was all Matt had in the world, and that was alright with Matt. But apparently it wasn't alright with Mello that all he had was Matt. The red head actually stopped walking as that thought sunk in. He felt a sob escape his throat. He felt like he should be crying, but he almost couldn't tell though the rain. He loved Mello. Point blank. And that was all there was to it. He loved Mello more than the beat of his heart. He loved Mello so much that it hurt, so much that it felt like that heart just might stop beating for him. But Mello didn't love him. Not like that. Not that way. And that truth hurt more than anything Matt had ever felt before.

And in that moment he nearly gave up the search. Mello didn't want to see him, or he would have come to him straight off. But then he reconsidered. He remembered the day he had caught Mello on the roof. That day something had upset him – Matt still didn't know what – and he had very nearly gone forever. He had spoken to no one but Matt for a week and a half after that. And right now, Mello was hurt. He had been wounded deeply by something. Matt cursed himself for not asking Near exactly what had happened.

But it was getting dark and the temperature was dropping. It was too cold to go any further. There was a shelter in the centre of the park. Well, actually it was a nature centre used to display stuffed specimens and examples of plants, but it was still inside out of the rain. He was sure it would be locked, but Matt had never yet met a lock he couldn't pick. Just as he had yet to meet a computer system he couldn't hack. The thought made him smile and suddenly he felt much better. He would find Mello. Everything would be alright. He would find Mello. They didn't need to go back to Wammy's if the blonde didn't want to. They were old enough to move out on their own if they wanted too. Hell, Matt didn't really care where they ended up. Just as long as he was with Mello he would be happy.

* * *

Mello hadn't been so fortunate in his quest for shelter as Matt. He sat trembling under a large tree in a forest not too far from where the red head was sleeping peacefully. The blonde cursed himself for being so rash in his actions. He had a plan laid out for defeating Near, but he hadn't even considered where he was going to spend the night. Grumbling, he rose and wandered on until he came to a large rock jutting out from the side of a slight incline. It wasn't much, but it was dry underneath. He was just glad he was small enough to fit. He didn't want to leave the forest until the next morning because the trees offered more protection than he would have out in the open. And now he had found somewhere dry to sleep.

He took his the thin blanket out of his pack. Frowning at it, he resolved to get a better one soon. But at least it was something.


	12. Why Mello Makes Life Difficult

**A/N:** Hola! Chapter 12! Yay! I got caught up in working on a new DN fanfic. Taming the Tiger. It's really, really dark a slightly distrubing, but still. Although I wouldn't recommend it if you're easily upset. Ok, enough shameless self-promotion. My sis, silentwatcherXXX, has a new fluffly DN fic. It's kind of a parental moment between L and chief Yagami. It's called Just a Simple Act. It's adorable. Anyway, back to this story. I feel so bad for Matt in this chapter.

Thank you to SincerelyRainbow, Crazy Little Feline, MattTheGamer, Xemnis the Superior, and Dawn-at-Midnight for reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** Death Note does not belong to me.

* * *

Matt had, after several hours of searching, concluded that Mello was not in the park. Frustrated and thoroughly drenched, Matt went back to the nature centre to thaw out and think. If Mello wasn't there, and if death was ruled out – Matt shuddered at that thought – then he couldn't think of where he would go short term. It's not like they knew the area that well, and Mello had hated most of the other places they had gone with the orphanage.

Then another thought occurred to him. What if he hadn't left short term? What if he was gone for good? Matt groaned and buried his face in his hands. If that was the case, he could be anywhere. So how was he going to find him?

He would want to catch Kira, Matt reasoned. He would need somewhere where he could set up an investigation base. But where? He would want somewhere secluded. A small city; Mello was the type who couldn't exist in a small town or a rural village. It had to be in a city. It wouldn't be as noticeable there. After all, L's base had been in Tokyo. Somehow Matt doubted he would stay in England, but he had no way to get to Japan. He would be able to get to the mainland easy enough though, and he'd probably stay on the Eurasian continent. Which contained over half of the world's countries. Great. Which country would Mello be most likely to work from? And the more he thought about it the more it made sense. Mello was Russian. He spoke the language, he knew the country, he was familiar with the people. He would go to Russia.

This conclusion earned another groan from the red head. Russia was huge! Why couldn't Mello have been from somewhere small? Like Luxembourg? He sighed with resigned resolve. To Russia then.

But where? Mello was from a city with a funny name. Not that all Russian names didn't sound funny to Matt the Sicilian. Matt's green eyes widened as he remembered where Mello's oddly named city was. The Arctic Circle. Matt groaned again. Why couldn't he have gone somewhere warm, like Italy?

Then again, warm attracts tourists and Mello would want to avoid that. That little titbit considered, Mello would probably go as far north as possible, to the coldest place he could find. What was that city again? It was the northernmost city on the Eurasian continent, Matt remembered, but he couldn't think of the name. Off to get a map and a parka, then. He just hoped he could catch up to Mello before he got too far ahead.


End file.
